In the green room of life
On hold. Waiting for the New Year to start like a guest waiting in a studio’s ‘green room’ before going on air to a talk show or some other live event, with an audience, and floor directors and a host to greet your arrival. And snacks.
2020 began for me as I fell asleep at about 11:43 pm on the red digits of the clock display and the distant sound of fireworks. I believe I was smiling. It had been a good day.
I woke to a new white light regimen. I turned on the unit, as suggested, within 30 minutes of opening my eyes. Day 2 of that. We’ll see if it boosts my energy but for now the sun shone outside my window and called to me after a heavy day and night of rain in Vancouver. The white lit screen glowed from its corner on the counter as I prepped salads for the day’s eating and cooked soups for the week ahead. All healthy choices. I turned my attention to cleaning out my cupboards to make room for healthy habits as I believed that would ‘bake’ success into my routine, so I set up my environment to support that.
There was a walk up hill. No easy feat for me on some days. Had to scope out Whole Foods and the upcoming 25% off supplements sale. Purchased of a snack from the hot buffet ‘breakfast by weight bar’. Just to have a nibble with their free filtered, hot water today, and reading of a book by Achity on escaping the work or life you have now to craft a living with creative fulfillment.
A walk back on only the sunny sides of the most level streets. Work at home, completely ignoring the lifetime of photos I had spread out from baby days to my Boomer seniority – still waiting for the completion of phase one – the culling and the categorizing.
Distraction came with Vice, the movie about Dick Cheney and all the USA government administrations he touched – often behind the scenes. In the 2-hour screening I was pushed to rethink my intentions for myself this year.
It accelerated everything. Nothing seemed as it was anymore.
The system was stacked against ordinary folks. Against oblivious ones. It required of me to be stronger – physically and to care for myself better mentally and financially as well. I had to step up my game as delicate and precarious as it was in the face of layers of power and systems far more organized and dominating than we suspect. I had to do better and be better and could afford to only compare myself to my own state the day and the year before. Sobering.
Writing. Phone calls. Even a brief connection to granddaughters playing in their rec room in a snowy American state with their holiday gifts. A good effort for a slow sunny holiday Wednesday. Tea with a new friend who talks fast and never runs out of something interesting to ask or answer.
A reminder from Facebook about birthday wishes now due. Done. Done and oh my. Dead and done. The third notice went to Scott’s page. In his last post he wrote about a massive panic attack, and asked us how could he to stop it. It was dated this day one year ago. He passed the next day, Jan 2.
Some shock and a sweet remembrance of a good soul ends this day. A far away FB friend, an acquaintance really led me to reflect on both past and future. Gratitude for this moment in the present.
I am still alive and in the green room of life. Waiting.
Gathering myself. Slipping into an upgraded, healthier night time routine, hopeful, about my new year.